Cultural imperialism's greatest hits

I know a lot of you have traveled more than I, so perhaps you can answer this question: why does the world love our bad music? I'm still several days (and perhaps a well-placed payoff or two) away from getting Internet service in the office or at home, so I'm using the cybercafe across from the office to get online. It costs less than $1 for an hour on a decent connection, but the tradeoff is the place plays a constant loop of the worst American music of the past generation.

Highlights from this afternoon alone: Kenny G, Phil Collins, Ace of Base, early Mariah Carey (at her pre-breakdown screechiest) and -- in a rare and inexplicable choice -- the theme from "Dallas." If I knew people would still be playing this song after 20 years, I would have shot J.R.

It's not like there isn't a lot of great local music here. And yet as I write this, Madonna is urging me (for at least the third time this week) to Get Into the Groove. Apparently, I have yet to prove my love to her. Frankly, it's making it hard to get any work done.